Your First Time In Her Family
by Irina Timchenko
Leave your comments about this article belowI had a few chances to discuss the subject of today's article with my site visitors, but the topic is very important, and many things must be told about it. I am going to talk about do's, don'ts, and howto's of meeting the family of your Ukrainian (Russian) lady for the first time.
This is true - it is a very exciting and responsible moment. As we all know, there is only one chance to produce a good impression. Each man needs to be prepared to meet his woman's family, especially her parents. When you have to do this in her country, there is a vast risk area - the cultural difference, plus the language gap. You may do or say something awkwardly, simply because you don't know that doing (saying) this is inappropriate in the other culture. This mistake may turn out to be quite costly, as you certainly realize.
So, today we'll take a look at a few things which one should remember about visiting his lady's family home for the first time. In most cases, the man is invited to visit her parents' home for a dinner, which is usually cooked by the mother of the family, and in most cases, father and other family members who live in the same home, will be there, too.
Majority of Ukrainian (Russian) families live in apartments having 2-3 rooms that are shared by 2 or 3 generations of the family. Very often, parents are very well informed about the details of their daughter's life, contacts, friends and boyfriends. So do not be surprised if all the family seems to know everything about you before you step into their home.
It is always good to please your lady's parents with some little presents. Russians always bring something as a little gift or as their contribution to the dinner table, even when they are meeting for minor reasons. It is OK to bring a bottle of wine, a cake or a box of chocolates. As you will be received as a foreign - and especially appreciated guest, the mother of the family will do her best as a cook. In return, you can please her with some little gift which you will bring from your country - a souvenir, a bag of coffee or tea, a box of sweets - whatever it may be, once it is brought from your country, it will be appreciated as a sign of your respect and attention.
Be sure to bring some photos of your home town, your car, your house (inside and outside), your family members and the best friends and even your office - any pictures showing your habitual life environment will be very appreciated, because her parents are certainly worried for their daughter's future: they would like to have an impression about your lifestyle.
Russians (Ulrainians) like to discuss foods and drinks, and to taste something new. If you bring a bottle of some traditional drink from your area (or possibly, some traditional snacks), they will really appreciate it.
Be ready for a long and really big dinner with enormous amount of food, lots of offers to drink and the hosts fussing around all the time, trying to treat and please you with their attention. This is a national tradition that dates back to very old times. This can't be changed. Just be patient and accept everything with thankful nods and smiles. If you don't feel like eating or drinking more, feel free to say this. You don't have to drink alcohol once you don't feel like drinking. The traditional stories about Russians making everyone drink too much are true, but not for the parties when their daughter's fate is being decided.
You will certainly be watched and studied on all sides by her relatives. This can be anticipated in such situation, and this is universal all over the world. As in most cases her parents do not know your language, your communication will be mostly based on mimics, gestures, exclamations and any other extralinguistic means of communication that will come to your mind to keep up the communication. Hopefully, there will be at least one person (either your lady or an interpreter) who will help you with translation. So be ready to have a very emotional and tiring evening, when you will have to control yourself every second, communicate each phrase with special mimical effort, etc.
On the other hand, you may anticipate to have a serious talk with Her parents about the future of your relationship. If so, you need to have a good interpreter at hand. If your lady is not flluent in English and there is no interpreter, try to take control over the situation and ask her parents to set up time of another meeting some day soon for this responsible talk.
Some familie have their own traditions of pllaying table games, or singing to guitar or having a stroll after the dinner. If you happen to take part in such activity, just be yourself. Your friendly open behavior will be very appreciated. And try not to be shy in any situations. Even if you lack to understand something.
I am almost sure that her family will treat you very friendly and that you will enjoy the first meeting with them. Even if they don't show it, they will be very excited about having you in their home, and of course they will feel like being good hosts for the party. So, I wish you good luck with all my heart. Please, share your impressions with our community on the blog pages on this site, if you have been to such situation or if you have any stories to share.
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