Sexual Fantasies in Married Life
by Irina Timchenko
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Everyone has sexual fantasies, even if they think they don’t. Some people refuse to accept them, but even if we don’t realize that we have them, they are channelled through our dreams. Most of us would feel far more embarrassed to talk about an intimate fantasy than to discuss how often we have sex and with whom. This is partly because we’re unsure of what fantasies really say about us. So what do the most common sexual fantasies often mean? Are some of them signs of an unhealthy relationships while others usually indicate a healthy, creative sex life?
David Barlow, director of the Sexuality Research Program at the State University of New York at Albany, asked people to carefully monitor their fantasies for several weeks. "We find,'' he said in an interview, ''most people have about seven or eight fantasies a day, although the range can be from none to 40 and up.'' There is nothing bad in fantacising about sex, unless it becomes an obsession which begins to dominate over a person's mind and behavior.
Many couples face a problem with developing their communication to a level when both can openly share the most intimate dreams and fantasies. Quite often, I hear from women that they are not ready to share their likes in bed with their husbands, even after years of living together. Traditionally, men are more decisive about sharing their sex fantasies than women. Let us see how you can help your woman overcome her shyness?
Exploring your lady's fantasies will make her want sex more often and will make it more enjoyable for both of you, while bringing variety into your sex life. Some fantasies are more extreme than others. Some are fun and innocent feeling and some may strike you as over the top or creepy. Just make your lady feel like she wont be judged and that you are up for some playful sexual adventures with her. Do this gently, do not hurry her to try it right away. Once you have shared a new idea, let her live with it for a couple of days. Even if she does not return to this talk, she is definitely thinking it over. Very soon you may be surprised where she'd like to go in the bedroom with you.
Experts say that mens and womens sexual fantasies differ. Let us look at women's more common fantasies. First, sex with a stranger can be a powerful sexual fantasy for women. It is closely followed by fantasies of a man's domination over her. It should be no mystery that most women like men to take charge in bed. Sometimes this means taking it to the next level. She may want you to totally dominate her. She may want you be firmer and tell her what to do in a commanding way. She may like it if you spank her and tell her to say or yell out nasty things while you are having sex.
On the flip side of being dominated some women may enjoy dominating you! They may want to restrain you and tease you until you cant stand it any more. She may enjoy telling you what to do forcefully and slap you around a bit!
Women also have fantasies about threesomes. Sex with other women is the more likely of the two possible scenarios, but some women like the idea of sex with two men as well. A group sex scenario may turn on some women, too. More women than you can imagine have dreams about being in a room full of naked people having sex with their partners.
Sex in public is one more fantasy that attracts women's imagination: the spontaneity, naughtiness, and the chance of being caught - all turns women on. Some women like to be roughed up. Slapping, hitting, pulling the hair harder than what may be considered playful and choking are some of the things she may ask you to do. It is rare but you find girls that have rape fantasies as well.
At least one of these fantasies is on the mind of your girl! To make her comfortable exploring her fantasies with you, be open and willing to talk about sex with her, and be confident in the bedroom. You can hint at some of the more playful fantasies during foreplay and see if she is excited by the idea. Some of the other more extreme fantasies require a discussion beforehand.
If you are a stable, loving couple, sharing things like these can have an effect of a fresh breath into your intimate life. Sexual partners get used to each other with time, and after years of living together, your bedroom life may start turning into a routine physiological act, neither exciting nor refreshing any more. Taking it to a new level of exploring each other's sex fantasies may bring back the fresh air of exploring each other into your life.
For couples that are still learning about each other, the same tips will work, but you should be very careful about not pushing it too hard. Do not hurry to try it as soon as you shared about it, let it be "in the air" around both of you for a while. Most of the couples develop a new level of intimacy relatively quickly. It may take weeks to adjust your mind to it for the very first time, but once your mind is open to exploration of sexual life in general, intimate communication between partners becomes much easier.
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